we're blogging at a bar
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
it was like his penis was on wheels.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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