But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
