i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
