i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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