Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
