The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I should be sponsored by Trojan
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
