it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
