Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
