I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
