Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
