Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
