You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
