i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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