this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
