SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
