That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Randomize
