Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
