How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize