KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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