Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
