Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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