I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
