If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just had sex on a roof
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
