I wish I could punch you in the face.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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