"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
