i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize