I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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