Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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