i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
