No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
