Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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