Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
