There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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