I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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