i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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