And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
