did you get engaged???
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize