Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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