i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
