Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
