dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
