dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize