so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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