I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
