Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
