dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
