I've blown a few things in my day
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
