I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So vagazzling was a success
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
