the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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