answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
