You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
ok first of all what the fuck
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
