you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
ttyl tear gas
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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