i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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