is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize