Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
