Kiss
Puke
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i love accidental penises.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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