You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
