wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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