How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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