the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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