I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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