I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
