Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
