Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
