we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
