i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
