Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize