What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
