FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
