He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
