I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
