Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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