so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
