Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
