I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i love accidental penises.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's never too late to be topless.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
