I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
