Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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