Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
