you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize