Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
