After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
