What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
