And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You were trust falling into bushes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
