Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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