I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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