Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
