ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
