today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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