hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
