shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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