Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
