ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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